Big Boys and Their Toys

I caught my first glimpse of an iPad in the wild a few moments ago. I was in line at a local deli, when fanboy#1 reaches the cash register to pay for his meal. Fanboy unfolded his leatherette cover on his iPad to recover his credit card, stored in a little pocket inside the folder.

The store manager says, “Oh, is that an iPad?”

Fanboy replies, “Yes, and if I weren’t a software developer, I’d use it for everything.”

My fellow line-standers all groaned, ‘cause we were hungry and the line had suddenly come to a standstill. Finally, the credit card approval happened, and the rest of us shuffled forward.

I sat down to enjoy my reuben sammie and noticed that fanboy#2 had joined fanboy#1 at a table near me. I overheard their conversation:

Says fanboy#2, “Dude, you got an iPad!”

There was nothing but smiles from fanboy#1, as his toy was being lovingly opened by fanboy#2. As the gentle light of the LCD glowed on the face of fanboy#2, his expression changed to something reminiscent of my first exposure to a centerfold. I nearly laughed out loud.

Fanboy#1 said, “Yeah, I just bought it, but I haven’t told my wife. I don’t think I will.”

Cola spewed out my nose, as I fell to one knee, unable to control my emotions. ROFL, ROFL, ROFL.

Tonight will be fun at his house. I think I will text his ol’ lady.

Culture Shock ...

Hey, I'm working, here!

I have been around the block a few times, and I have witnessed many cultures. I have lived in Europe; I have traveled to the Middle East; and I have forgotten more quirkiness than I can remember. In some cases, I even have the T-shirt to prove the experience. However, today was a shocker.

I entered the men's room at my office building-- a last bastion of male privacy. As I approached the porcelain fixture, there was a guy, a stranger to me, having a conversation on his high-end cell phone, and the phone was in loudspeaker mode. There in one hand was his phone and in the other, something else. He was carrying on a conversation with a female voice on the far end of the call. I knew the phone was in speaker mode, because I could clearly hear both sides of the conversation. There the guy was carrying on business, as the both of us were carrying on our business. I felt as though my privacy was truly being invaded. I only hoped that the camera in the shiny phone was not voice activated.

So, I did the only thing that I could do. I flushed the urinal. It made a pleasantly loud gurgling whoosh. The guy on the cell phone seemed unperturbed. So, I flushed, again. I should have said something, like "excuse me" or "sorry," or … but no, I relished in the gurgle and flushed a third time.

Because of this new bathroom etiquette, I promise to do a better job next time. I now have a personal windmill to joust. All you bathroom cell phone users be warned. I may break wind loudly, or join your conversation. One way or another, I will stop this invasion.

PFFFFFFFFT, guilty dogs bark first!